My friends really must be tired of me hitting them on the arm and pointing to a random guy on the subway. Each time I do it, they’ll say the same phrase: “Shoot yo shot.”
But am I going to shoot my shot? Usually, no. I spent years doing this. In high school, every time I went to a pop punk concert I would threaten to ask out every cute emo boy I saw. The logic was that if he was cute and liked The Wonder Years… what could go wrong? My best friend, who was usually in a relationship, would support and endorse my decision.
At some point in the show, though, I would lose him among the mosh pit and he would never be seen again. Or that’s what I told people at least… honestly I was just too terrified to try.
I carried this mentality and habit with me into college. Now, every time we pass a cute boy on the busy New York streets I find a reason to not bother him or strike up a conversation. I leave strangers be strangers. That’s the problem with trying to date in New York, though.
Despite having what seems to be unlimited fish in the sea, no one is ever casting a line. We keep our heads down and get to our next destination without ever daring to deviate from the norm as to not inconvenience anyone.
Even when loitering at the same Starbucks while waiting for a drink, I’m too terrified to try. It would maybe be valid if I went to school on a small campus in the middle of nowhere and I was afraid of running into this guy again one day, but I live in downtown Manhattan, where seeing that random guy again is statistically unheard of.
So, really, there was no excuse for me to not shoot my shot.
That’s what I realized as some guy in a red headband put his arms around me to help lift me up over the State Champs crowd and through a mosh pit of equally sweaty men. As I crowd surfed away, I could see him in my peripheral vision and all I could think was “I’m going to shoot my shot”.
If you know anything about crowd surfing, though, then you know that when you’re in the air you don’t exactly have much time to contemplate the complexities of your love life. So, while I wasn’t paying attention to the hands passing over my body, someone below me must have been paying less attention because I felt my shoulders drop, drop, and just before my head hit the floor, I was pushed back up into the line of vision of the band.
I didn’t hit the ground. My luck was looking pretty good. Literally, I thought. What could go wrong?
So I snaked my way through the pit as the show was ending. The lead singer placed his microphone back on the stand, the lights went up, and I tapped a stranger on the shoulder.
“Are you single?”
“Not really, why?”
“Oh, I was shooting my shot,” I said, literally using those exact words.
He seemed a little confused, but said: “Oh, let me get your Snapchat!”
“You’re not really single, though.” (Not trying to be a homewrecker.)
“It’s complicated, but I can get your Snapchat,” he shrugged.
And of course the reception was terrible, so he told me he’d add me once he got out of the venue. Long story short: he did not.
But at the end of the day, I had the courage to take the first step. Not a single part of it was nearly as scary as I thought it would be. Did I get rejected? Kind of? Did the world end? No.
Basically, I realized that I need to stop letting the fear of “no” hold me back. I’ve never let it hold me back any other aspect of my life: academic, professional, etc. So, what should make my love life any different?
There’s no solid conclusion to this post because I don’t have all the answers. As terrifying as that seems, no one is supposed to have all the answers in dating and life. Magazines can pitch their top ten tips to get a guy to you all they want, but it really comes down to who you are and who you’re willing to pursue.
Before walking away, mysterious red headband guy turned to me and said: “That was very forward… I like that.”
So, maybe I’m onto something, even if it doesn’t work out every time.
Shoot you shot.
Comments